In my Intuitive Path Radio Show today we continued the happiness booster series, and discussed how to play to your strengths, and not your weaknesses. You can access or download the episode from the player right here on the left side bar of my blog. We had great interaction between the listeners, and I look forward to the next episode on "Flow" next Tuesday, March 16, at 1:00 pm EST. Look out for the announcements!
Many of us women have a
challenge with setting boundaries in our personal and professional lives. This
certainly shows up at times when I work with my clients. We’d rather
accommodate and fulfill everyone’s desires before responding to our own. And at
that point, we often times have no time or energy left to do so. Many of us are
conditioned to be nice girls, always friendly, always willing to help, selfless
and giving. These are certainly wonderful features in a person as long as they
are in balance with treating ourselves the same way as a measure of self-care. However,
we tend to overlook the importance of our own well-being in giving to others
and sharing ourselves so freely. If we deplete ourselves how can we continue to
satisfy our need to care for our family, friends and a network of people we
want to attend to.
Here is my encouragement
for all the women out there who struggle with this. I have a few questions for
you that hopefully will help you overcome the nice-girl-syndrome and turn you
into a powerful and loving lady who knows exactly where and when to draw the
line for herself:
1) Why is it important for me to set boundaries? 2)What has kept me so far from drawing the line? 3)How would I benefit from communicating with others
what is acceptable and what’s not? 4)What would help me to say ‘no’ when I feel it? 5)Which part of my life needs this new approach the
most? What are my new rules?
Be frank with yourself
because you already have the answers in you, and talk to other women about this
topic in case you get stuck. As always, feel free to share your comment on this
blog because we all can benefit so much from each other’s experiences and
wisdom.
I am sure you all know situations in which you feel "forced" to have a conversation with someone that you would rather run away from... Many of us have the tendency to avoid or even deny conflict with another person because the thought of having a confrontation is too scary, nerve-wrecking, and exhausting. Particularly as women we have the tendency to accommodate everyone, be the nice girl, and make everyone else happy before ourselves ;-). Sounds familiar?
I want to share 5 tips with you that has helped my clients and myself in overcoming the fear to address a conflict and give room for our needs and concerns to be expressed - something that is extremely liberating:
Visualize the ideal conversation and outcome - create a vivid image in your mind: - How do you want things to go? - What is your main goal in having the conversation? - How do you want the other person to deal with your perspective?
Decide for the setting of the conversation: - When do you want to have the conversation? - In what environment? - Will there be other people present?
Write down the questions and talking points: - What do you want to absolutely address? - Why is this important for you? - How can you find a common ground?
Prepare shortly before the conversation: - Meditate for a few minutes to connect with yourself and the other - Set an intention for the conversation - Call up the vivid image of the ideal outcome
Be present during the conversation: - Allow the other to express their view freely - Uphold the boundaries of respect and acceptance if the conversation turns emotional - Show the other person that you care about their perspective
So many of the conflicts we have with others are based on our interpretation of their behavior, motivation, and intentions. When we enter into an open conversation about the conflict, we enable ourselves and the other person to express who their are.